POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse: A Collection of Essays on Malignant Narcissism and Recovery from Emotional Abuse by Arabi Shahida

Author:Arabi, Shahida [Arabi, Shahida]
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
Publisher: Thought Catalog Books
Published: 2017-01-18T05:00:00+00:00

14

The Great Awakening–Tapping into Your Power

The truth is that the entire relationship with a narcissist, a sociopath or a psychopath is one big set-up for you to fail. The moving goal posts, the contradictory words, the compliments merged with callous cruelty—they’re all deliberately staged so that you view your successes as missteps and your life outside of the narcissist as a false reality, when it is in fact, the other way around. The “reality” you live in when you’re in a relationship with such a partner is the one that is false—filled with gaslighting, projection, and falsehoods to keep you off balance, under their control and constantly seeking their approval. During the abuse cycle, they seem like the powerful ones, the puppeteers micromanaging your every move, causing you to doubt every instinct and emotion, and you, rightfully so, feel utterly powerless, depleted, relentlessly on the edge.

For all that love-bombing, fast-forwarding and fake promises, it’s a steep climb to a nonexistent view, a dead-end road, a massacre in the place of a celebration—multiple endings rather than beginnings. The end of your innocence, your perceived future together, your hope in humanity and your carefully constructed naiveté to the fact that this world is filled with con artists, scammers and exploiters just waiting to suck you dry. It’s hard work without much return on your investment, a surefire way into emotional bankruptcy. It’s a performance where you’ve been cast for a role you’d never voluntarily audition for—the narcissist’s source of supply that he or she can use, misuse, mistreat, berate and tear down whenever they feel like it, all while intermittently throwing you crumbs of affection and validation to keep you wishing and hoping for something which the narcissist simply may not be capable of being—a healthy relationship partner.

At the same time, a relationship with a narcissist is also a cataclysmic rude awakening into the fact that people are rarely who they portray themselves to be. It’s knowledge. It’s experience. It’s insight and wisdom—perhaps the kind you wish you didn’t have. Sometimes, it’s even social capital—enabling you to navigate even more intelligently and with more discernment than ever before. You’re wide-eyed and vigilant. You see what other people don’t see. You learn about boundaries and your values. You recognize the value of authentic people, those rare breeds who wear their hearts on their sleeve and bleed integrity instead of exploit that quality in others. It doesn’t have to be a “waste of time” to have been through this experience—even while validating how painful it is and the fact that no one should ever have to go through it. When you’ve been through something horrific like this, at the very least you are owed the fruits of its wisdom and the drive it provides you to kick some serious ass.

Because there’s nothing more powerful than a survivor tapping into his or her power. There is nothing more powerful than a survivor being motivated to reach their maximum level of success, self-development and self-love—by the very bullies who attempted to disempower them.

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